Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Is what they say the truth about me?

Such beauty is dry places
#Cedar Breaks National Monument
#Utah


How do I know when what people are saying about me is true or not?  

Of course, I don't want to be in denial.  
I know I'm far from perfect and don't handle everything right.

Am I that horrible person they say I am?

This is what I've been called

spiteful
liar
deserving of being yelled at100 times
failure
arrogant
selfish
unforgiving
don't forget

and more

For months this spring, I let myself agree with them.  My soul was distraught and I knew I was at one of the lowest points of my life.

I would hear their words over and over and I came into agreement with them.

I am a failure
I am a liar
I am arrogant
I am selfish
I am horrible
I am awful
I am unforgiving

Over months, God reminded me how much He loves me and while I am not perfect 
He died for me anyways.

Those accusations came to destroy me and the call on my life.  While I needed to make changes in my life and who I was, those names are not me.  It's easy to say that all the bad things said about me aren't true, but I want to face them and ask God if there is any truth and what do I need to change.  Face reality, face truth if there be some.

I was just beginning to come out of that oppression when this past weekend 
I was told again

I deserved to be yelled at 100 times
I was selfish
I was awful

Was I?
If I was I didn't mean to be.

A few things I do know is that I need to change some things because I can't move on with what God wants me to do and have these accusations come at me. I'm not strong enough.

So, I will tell God my concerns and no one else.  I will not share my heart with those who would trample on it and use it against me.

I will keep a smile on my face when I do not want to.
But I can have my emotions in my heart and at the cross.

God will be my armor to protect me from false accusations yet in His love and mercy will help me face the truth and make changes when I need to.

I will be slow to speak and quick to hear.

I didn't realize how horrible I was.  
I guess I will work on it....