Making it Through Each Day Whether It's Slow or Busy

Does it ever feel like a day slows down and passes by so quietly? Part of me is OK with that. With the past eight years I have more understanding for myself.

The other side of me wants to "buck up" and get up. Set my emotions aside, get to work and accomplish even more.

I don't want to be depressed. Am I just tired? Do I need rest and reset?

It has been a rough week. In the last two weeks two very sad things happened. But, it seems like that is a more common occurrence than I anticipated. 

Another challenge is I had a brain tumor and surgery to remove it, I was diagnosed with an extremely rare autoimmune disease, Relapsing Polychondritis, so there are legitimate reasons I may be tired sometimes. I just don't want to be. I don't want to slow down. I don't want to be encumbered by health issues. So what is it? Emotions? Lazy? Wore out? My body saying rest? My health saying take a break today, it's OK?

That gives me a choice - learn to plow through life and not let anything slow me down or to take each day as it comes and allow myself to experience the hills and valleys of life.

I watch so many reels on Facebook by Special Forces in the military. They inspire me to be strong and get up at times when I feel like falling. Of course, these videos aren't something that I depend on but their stories give me great encouragement. My true motivation and inspiration comes from the Lord Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth. 

Reading the accounts of David and Goliath, Samson, Abraham, Rebekah, Deborah, Jesus, Moses, Joshua, Caleb, Ezra, Nehemiah, Mary, Lazarus, Peter, Paul, John, and so many more are life changing. I can spend hours in the bible reading scripture after scripture that inspires me to hope, have faith, love, and continue on in life. The bible says Jesus came so we can have life and have it more abundantly. Jesus also said there will be tribulation in life.

This journal entry is not to discuss and debate overcoming and tribulation or depression vs joy and whether or not I am being too emotional and sensitive or that pressing forward instead of addressing the pain in my soul is repression and stuffing the truth down.

This journal entry is to share that I am only human. No one has the answer to the dilemma I face, except the Lord. Every person has a unique life, life events, upbringing, trauma, joys, victories, defeats, hate, anxiety, peace, love, and love, and love. No one can totally understand my needs, my issues, or my answer. Only the Lord has all the answers.

Today I'm tired. I'm wore out. I didn't curl up in a ball on the couch. I worked. I cooked. I cleaned. I communicated with others. I do know I did not reach my potential today. I could have pressed harder, worked harder, been happier. So why didn't I then? 

I don't have the answer. I don't know if today was a day I just needed more quiet, more restful activity. Was my body saying rest or was my emotions saying rest? Should I always listen to my flesh? It can push me to be lazy and unproductive. Other days I know my body says slow down, you will have a flare up if you don't. 

My conclusion is, take each day individually. Never give up, never give in. Keep striving for victory but know that the days we are to rest - victory is also in our hands. 

Be kind to yourself but don't use problems as an excuse either.