|My good seeds I have sown have not fallen on shallow ground, but will produce a harvest.|
I know there are some people saying bad things about me. I haven't heard it out loud, but I can tell.
Why am I surprised? I knew it would happen.
My work is in the world - so of course they are going to talk bad about me and spread lies and judgement.
I sought God on it and he showed me that sometimes we reap what we sow.
So where did I sow this?
Did I tell things I shouldn't have?
Did I betray someone's trust?
Did I gossip?
Sadly, I am guilty.
So now, I am reaping what I have sown. How it saddens my heart that I did those sins.
I'm truly having a hard time getting past it.
I asked the person to forgive me.
I asked God to forgive me.
A relationship with a person should be based on trust, but what do we do when one betrays the other? Now that I have betrayed this person's trust, that person is speaking ill of me.
I deserve it, yet I hope our friendship would be better than that.
I know the devil wants to divide God's children and I have decided to fight for this friendship.
I know I will have to deal with people speaking poorly of me - I sowed it.
But, I have also sowed love, sacrifice, obedience, and good will.
Thankfully I have sown good more than evil.
I will pull up the weeds and throw them in the fire. I am a warrior on earth and heaven so I will not let the devil win in this battle.
I could lay down and dwell in my guilt and the sadness of people speaking ill of me, or I can put on my armor of God and fight for the call of God on my life.
My flesh wants to cry. My flesh wants to dwell on it.
There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.
If you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
I will forgive those who speak ill of me. I can only hope my seeds of forgiveness will produce a huge crop that others will reap, and I will too.
As I prayed about this, I realized I couldn't apply the scriptures where Jesus was persecuted by those closest to him because he was persecuted without sin.
I am persecuted because of my sin.
So, I look to Paul, who persecuted christians and did he suffer for it.
But, I am a believer, Paul was not when he persecuted Christians.
David was a believer and he persecuted other believers who trusted him.
He had to deal with the consequences - as will I.
So, how do I deal with it?
With sackcloth and ashes.
With a repentant heart.
With sadness and remorse.
But, then I have to move forward and pray for restored relationship and that the other person will forgive me.
I have to move forward and know that this will not be the last time I will sin.
I have to move forward and know that I will fail those who trust me and love me.
I have to move forward and hope that those I care for and love will return that care and love even when I am not perfect.
I have to move forward and know that those who I do wrong will have a choice to make -
to forgive me
or not to forgive
to trust me again
or not to trust me again
to know that I almost never gossip and it was a one time mistake
or hold it against me and bring my reputation to ruin.
I am not a gossip.
I am not a liar.
I can be trusted.
I tell the truth.
So, let my normal character be remembered and not my transgressions.