Strength to Endure and Help my Husband Through Severe Pain

Winds Whipping blow Snow High into the Sky - Yet the Sun Shines on the Mountain

I gotta be strong.
Stuff the emotion down.
Deal with it later.
He can't handle more problems.
I can deal with it.
Suck it up.

I can hear the counselor say, "You have to deal with it.  You must handle your emotions, not stuff them down."  Yet, I don't think they know what it is like.

I remember days where Shae, my husband, had enough of the pain and he couldn't do anything else, talk at all, and had no joy to put a smile on his face.  He came home from work completely exhausted with nothing left to give me or the kids.

I don't blame him.  He didn't ask for the pain and I never was mad at him for it.  Just during those times I had to be strong to help him be strong.

You see, the disorder he had is considered the worst pain known to man.  The suicide rate is extremely high.  I knew that for him to make it through he would need to count on me. 

I turned to God and He helped me through.  He became my best friend and comforter.  He listened when I talked, held me when I cried, and carried me when I fell.

Then, when I got in front of Shae, I wasn't relying on my own strength, I was being carried in the Arms of the Almighty and He was helping me be strong.

I didn't stuff my emotions for long, I just held them until He could help me through.

There is no right or wrong way to handle severe illnesses.  Different things for different families.  This is what I felt I had to do and I don't regret it at all.

But, God is always right.  He is always the answer.  He is always the way.  He is always the deliverer.  He is always our source of strength.