Saturday, January 19, 2013

Caretaker - What about Intimacy?

Overcoming the lack of Intimacy in a marriage.
(Photo taken at Gates Pass near Tucson, Arizona. It is my oldest son up there!)
Taking care of an ill spouse is extremely difficult.  I believe that what the bible says about when a husband and wife get married they become one.  So when one half of the team gets ill both are ill.

Of course, what I went through as the caretaker is nothing compared to the pain my husband suffered.  Yet, the suffering courses through both people in ways that cannot be put into words.  I could spend my life writing about the things we went through as a married couple - where pain was ever present.

I want to try to talk about some of the ways a marriage suffers when sickness, disease, or cancer invades.

This post will deal with kisses.

Simple little kisses.

What happens when they don't happen?

A person might read this and think seriously?  Is this an issue?

Yes, it is.  Maybe your ill spouse can kiss you but maybe they can't hold you or be intimate with you.

This is when we must work very hard to find a way to have physical contact in other ways.  I couldn't kiss my husband's lips, but I could kiss his hand, neck, and toes.  I couldn't snuggle at night.  In fact, I couldn't even move in bed because it would set off his pain.  He had such little sleep as it was.  So, I laid on his legs when we were watching TV or enjoyed rubbing his back and neck when they hurt.  I would close my eyes and just feel his love and warmth.

I was very careful to not have a close relationship with another man.  I never confided to another man or talked too long with one.  With my husband not able to give me the comfort and attention I needed sometimes, I knew that adultery could try to rear its ugly head.  It is important to be honest about this.  We are fools to think we are too strong or that we would never do that.  There are reports all the time of great men of God failing and having an affair.  Leaders of our country that so many admired have fallen in this area.  Proverbs, in the bible, talks in depth about this and says a strong man can be led away by an adulterous woman.  So, it can be a strong person that falls.

Little kisses might seem minor but if we don't keep a handle on the little things, they can lead to big things - like an affair.

There was one man, that I knew had a crush on me.  My husband was gone all week working and then we he came home on the weekends he was so wore out from the pain that he would lay in bed for two days and then head out again on Monday for four days out of town.  I loved him for his dedication to his family.  He suffered so much during the week so he could make money for us to eat and have a home.  I admired him so much, but yet I missed him so much.  I always felt like I got the left overs.  He gave everything all week to everyone at work and then didn't have any left for me and the kids on the weekend.  I always felt so selfish.  How could even whine when he sacrificed all week for us.  I thought the least I could do was let him rest on the weekends.  

So, began the process of me loving whatever he could give me and not needing more.  

I let who he was be all I needed.  

I loved him the way he was at that moment, not the man I married, not the man I thought he was going to be.  

I loved him with the pain and all.  

When the other man came around, I guarded my heart.  I was careful to not look in his eyes too much.  I tried to not be alone with him at all.  I am not a strong woman but I had to be for my marriage and my children - and my God.

My love for my husband grew continually.  
It was the grace of God and absolutely a choice.  
I chose life.  
I chose him.  
I chose love. 
I chose God's ways.

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Thank you for your comment. I appreciate you taking the time. Have a great day! Sheri