Friday, January 4, 2013

Caretaker Part 2 Who To Blame

Who do we blame?  

Sometimes it feels good to lay blame on who it is due.  

Sometimes it is necessary to find the cause and origin of our circumstance.  

Taking the time and emotional effort to dig deep and search out the truth of our caretaking position or the truth of what caused the medical condition of our family member is necessary.

How we do it 
With what attitude we do it 
And what we do with the information is what is important.

How we do it - This can be easy or hard.  Make a plan.  Start with a buying a notebook and writing down info and thoughts.  Journal the history and current issues facing the situation.  If it is medical you might ask yourself if it is genetic, environmental, a result of someones poor judgement or mistake, or a unique disorder.  Then find out if it can be traced back to a specific person, hospital, incident, or disease. 

With what attitude we do it - It can make me mad and sad at the same time.  Remembering back to the origins and having to recall the pain and hard times is difficult.  This process is not meant to cause bitterness or anger but instead to seek out truth and therefore bringing a healing and hope for the future.  The result will be the pointing of the finger at something or someone.  It might be a doctor, drunk driver, air pollution, a disease, cancer, or tumor.  

What we do with the information - We have narrowed it down and got to the root of the pain or problem.  Now what?  The only thing we could do was forgive.  I know that sounds crazy but we had to.  How can we forgive you ask?  This doctor made a stupid mistake and caused my husband to miss so much of his life and to suffer with such pain that he couldn't eat or drink sometimes for days at a time.  He would lay in bed so long that I couldn't wash the stains out of his side of the bed.  Our family lost their father for sometimes years at a time.  Thinking back to that doctor makes me feel angry and frustrated.  I don't understand how people can be so careless with other people's health!  But, years ago we chose to forgive that man.  Not for his sake but for ours.  Do I think he is the smartest doctor in the world?  No.  Did he make a mistake?  Yes.
Am I going to send him a Christmas card? No.

But, I am not going to blame him any longer.  It was his fault but I chose to forgive and move forward and take back the years that were stolen.  We are overcomers not victims.  We are overcomers even while in the disorder.  I will let no man or woman or circumstance control my life - only God does.  The anger, unforgiveness, and frustration has no power over me unless I give it that power.

Life is too good to lose even another second to the past.  We have a future and a hope...

The Lemonade Digest
(Dogwood trees in the Mark Twain National Forest of southern Missouri)

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Thank you for your comment. I appreciate you taking the time. Have a great day! Sheri