Holidays come and go and it seems they bring a mix of memories good and bad.
As a wife of a ill husband, the holidays were not easy or even inwardly joyful many years. I remember the sadness and compassion that filled my heart as I watched my husband suffer through the normally joyful days surrounding Christmas. He put on a good show, and so did I. But, always in my heart was sorrow mixed with joy; sorrow over his illness and joy over him being alive and the wonderful blessings around me.
Every year I can't help but reflect on the difficult years of the past and remember the hope that the New Year brings.
Hope for healing.
Hope for happiness.
Hope for fun and laughter.
Hope for financial favor.
Hope for outward love not just the knowing in my heart because he can't say it because of pain.
Hope for a better year than the last.
As a spouse of an ill loved one, the New Year brings a Hope for something more and something better.
But, what if it doesn't come? What if this year is worse than the last?
Hope and Fear combine to bring Anxiety and Anxiousness.
Do not worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of its own. - God.
Do not lose your hope for a better day. But, in having that hope do not rest your happiness upon it. Our happiness must come from within not in circumstances. I learned this sometime during year 10-12 of my husband's condition. I was always looking forward to when his pain would ease up but God showed me that I was not to live for another day but find an inner peace and joy in today. He didn't get better right away, in fact it got much worse for many years - even close to death numerous times.
I give you hope for this year - a hope that no one can take, no pain can steal, no anxiety or anger can destroy.
Find your Hope in Jesus and his Love - Peace He will give to you, not like the world's peace. It is a peace that passes all our understanding. Just start by reminding yourself of little things to be thankful for. Forget the big ones, like - "At least we don't live in a box!" Or how bout' this one, "At least he isn't dead." Honestly, it just hurt more when people would try to remind me of how much easier it was for me. The fact is - It Is Hard! So, I tried to find little things in my day that were good. I was thankful for the little he would eat, or the picture my kids made us that day, the call from a dear friend, or a beautiful sunset.
I do understand. I do remember. I won't ever forget - not in unforgiveness, just a reminder and a fact.