There are some things we have to give up on. Things in life may not change - I call them unchangables.
To lose hope in an area is not always a bad thing. After years of wanting a certain person to change in an area I have finally given up. They are not going to change.
So, what do I need to do to be able to accept that person for who they are and not who I need them to be?
If it is a problem that can hurt me physically - than I have to remove myself from that relationship.
But, what if the problem is one that hurts me emotionally?
There is an excellent book called,Boundaries. It talks about how to love others with out letting that same relationship destroy you. I've learned a few things:
It is OK to say no.
It is OK to have emotions.
It is OK to not be in a relationship with a person who is destructive. It does not mean I am in unforgiveness or bitter - it just means that that person cannot be in my life in a deep way.
A counselor told me that our life is like a pie. We only have to let some people see a piece of it. We should not let them have it all. And then there are others who can handle the entire pie and will honor and respect it. The counselor told me that some people will know the Sheri who was in the military and another person will know the homeschooler side of me. Yet another will know me by my travels and others still will know my goofy side. Not everyone can and should get all of me. It is not healthy for me or those I love.
So, I evaluate my relationships and remind myself when I am serving them too much of me.
Back to the unchangables. I have lost hope in certain people changing. Losing hope is extremely freeing. I hand that person over to God and pray I will learn to love them just the way they are. Does that mean that my love for them will mean I talk with them all the time or get together with them - no. It means that I know God is bigger than any problem, fault, or hurt and only He can reveal some things. So, I give up and let go. I let go of the relationship and let God be in control of my life, emotions, relationships, and future. I can't talk with that person anymore but God will and does love them.
It is OK. I am telling myself this. I will be OK. As long as God is for me - who can be against me? Take the pole out of my eye. Help me to not be blind to my own faults. Help me to see where I need to change. Heal my heart. I speak peace, joy, and true love. Bless those who persecute me. Help them see their actions and consequences. Soften their hearts. Bring true, lasting change where it needs to be and repentance for their sins. Thank you Lord that vengeance is yours. Yet, I pray for mercy and restoration with You for me and the person who hurt me. Show me what to do. Help me. I need You.